


Put On A Happy Face

by roe87



Series: Steve/Bucky modern au's [5]
Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amputee Bucky Barnes, Avengers Family, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Disabled Character, Childhood Friends, Circus, Clown Bucky Barnes, Clowns, Cute, Eventual Happy Ending, Flirting, Found Family, Friendship/Love, Grumpy Bucky Barnes, Hopeful Ending, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Irish Steve Rogers, Light Angst, M/M, Motorcycles, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Reunions, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Sassy Steve Rogers, Shy Bucky Barnes, Team Cap Stunt Team, Team Dynamics, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27923572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roe87/pseuds/roe87
Summary: After losing his left arm in a tragic accident, Bucky isn't able to do his job in the rigging team at the circus anymore, so he becomes a clown.Each day he paints a smile onto his face, though he hasn't felt like smiling in some time.Then the circus gets a new act in: stunt bike riders. They're flashy, exciting, and set the big top abuzz. And it just so happens that one of them had been Bucky's childhood friend.Bucky doesn't expect his old friend Steve to notice him much now he's a big star. After all, he's only one of the clowns.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Steve/Bucky modern au's [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1350943
Comments: 92
Kudos: 216





	1. Roll up, Roll up

"Where's your arm?"

Bucky looked down at the little kid who'd asked the question, looking up at him with big eyes.

It was hard to be mad at kids, he thought, especially the little ones. They were only curious after all.

"Hush, dear," the mom said, looking embarrassed as she side-eyed Bucky. "Don't be rude."

The parents on the other hand... they could be a bit annoying with their pitying looks and condescending chatter. Bucky didn't reply, he simply picked off a balloon from his little cart and offered it by its string to the kid.

The balloon bobbed in the air as the kid took hold of the string. It advertised Fury's Flying Circus, as that's what Bucky was doing out in the town anyway: promoting the circus. He was dressed up in his clown outfit, and thanks to that he didn't even need to talk to anyone. Not verbally, anyway.

"Hold tight to that balloon, dear," the mom prompted the kid. "Now, what do you say to the nice man?"

The kid looked at Bucky again with an expression like they weren't too sure what to make of all this, but Bucky was used to that now. Some kids even broke into tears at the sight of him. Apparently some people didn't like clowns.

"Thank you, mister," the kid murmured.

A small smile tugged at Bucky's mouth, but the kid probably wouldn't see under all his clown make-up. He pressed the flower on his lapel instead, making it twirl around with a whizzing sound. Kids always liked the flower.

This earned him a grin from the kid, so Bucky decided to offer them a couple of reduced price ticket stubs for the show. The circus was opening tomorrow, and they needed to advertise.

"Oh, thank you," the mom said, a somewhat dubious expression on her face. "Can we go, mommy?" the kid asked. "Can we?"

"Maybe your father can take you," the mom replied. "Come along, now."

They left, and Bucky waved to the kid being pulled away. He'd noticed that some parents didn't seem to like him much, and he thought it was more to do with his rolled up left sleeve than him being dressed as a clown. Or, maybe the combined effect scared them, Bucky wasn't sure. Clowns weren't scary, though. But then Bucky had grown up in and around the circus, so he was very used to them.

Anyway, time to get back to the grind. He pressed the button on the musical box atop his cart, so it started the pre-recorded _roll up, roll up_ music designed to entice any kids within earshot to come closer. Bucky had balloons, paper flowers, and tickets to give to any interested parties.

He looked around at the small town square, bustling with people going about their errands or shopping for groceries. Most of the adults ignored him. A couple of kids pulled at their parent's hands, wanting to come investigate, but the parents wouldn't let them.

Not for the first time, Bucky felt awkward and kind of embarrassed to be standing around dressed like he was (a brightly colored clown) and still have people ignore him or avoid eye contact with him.

It hadn't always been like this, but this was how it was now. C'est la vie.

After spending most of the day in the town center trying to get folks' attention, Bucky's relief came when Clint and Natasha (archery and knife throwing, respectively) took over for him.

"How's it been?" Clint asked, tying a dozen new and colorful balloons onto the promo cart.

Bucky shrugged limply.

"That good, huh." Clint laughed. "You go on and have your supper, Buck. We'll catch up with you later."

Natasha unpacked her bag of juggling clubs, and handed three to Clint. They were both dressed up too, but in more layers than their usual ring-side spandex costumes: they had on tasselled leggings with their trademark colors, and matching jackets with fringes all on the arms. Clint was in purple and white, Natasha in red and black.

"I left some casserole in your trailer," she told Bucky, smiling at him. "Should still be warm when you get back."

Natasha had a key to Bucky's trailer, as they'd known each other a long time and she helped out with odd jobs for him.

"Thanks." Bucky smiled back at her. "Have fun. Try not to club any kids."

She stifled a laugh as Clint scoffed, "That was _one_ time!"

Bucky left them to their juggling act, the sounds of the _roll up, roll up_ music fading as he walked away.

They were better at attracting interest for the show, especially Clint as he was naturally very funny and kids liked that. While Bucky just... well, he didn't really have the same enthusiasm to goof around.

Not any more

Bucky hadn't always been a clown. He used to be on the rigging team: one of the people who put the circus up and pulled it down again each time. Bucky had done all the physical jobs, even worked his way up to co-ordinating the other rigging staff.

The accident had happened nearly two years ago. While erecting the big top in the midwest, a storm had swept in suddenly and ripped up a lot of the tent and its poles. The circus had been lucky that nobody had died that day, but Bucky hadn't been so lucky when some equipment fell onto him and he ended up losing his left arm.

It was bad luck, considering there hadn't been an accident that bad at Fury's circus for at least twelve years. But it had happened to Bucky, and after that and all his recovery time, he couldn't do the same sort of physical work with only one arm.

He still helped out to co-ordinate the rigging jobs when it was all hands (no pun intended) on deck. But when those main jobs were done, Bucky had needed something else to do, so he'd ended up trying things out whenever an extra man was needed. He'd sat in the ticket office, he'd done the touting out in towns, he'd even mucked in to clean out the horses as best he could. But the one job he hadn't expected to stick, _clowning_ , was the one job he ended up with.

So now he was a clown.

Bucky walked back to the circus, camped out in a nearby field. It was the same space they used whenever they came into this town on their annual tour, and it was a good time to come as summer was just getting started. The evenings were warm, and the light lasted longer.

The security guard at the gates let Bucky through, and he was back inside the sanctuary of his home: the circus. The tents and lights were all set up and switched on to advertise that they were in town.

No sounds or music yet, that would come tomorrow night when they opened. Tonight was Bucky's favorite time, when it was quiet and peaceful, with the pretty lights all around him in the twilight.

He walked to his trailer at the back of the field and let himself in. He toed off his clown shoes and left them by the door, then hung up his bowler hat. Next he unwound the tulle ruffle from around his neck, or he wouldn't be able to eat his food.

The dish of casserole that Nat had left was on the counter in his kitchen space, covered with tin foil. There was a foil wrapped bread roll to go with it, and Bucky unwrapped them both so he could eat.

He was very grateful to his circus family for looking after him, especially Nat. But as he sat eating dinner alone, he felt not for the first time that something was missing from his life, and he found himself longing for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Aw no, he's such a poor sad Bucky!)


	2. Send in the clowns

The next morning brought a surprise with it.

Bucky was in the big top with his clown troupe, along with most of the show's cast. They were doing tech, which meant a cue check rehearsal: trying out lights and music for the show. No one was in full costume or make-up, but instead a mishmash of casual clothes, sportswear, with certain props of costume parts on top of those. Bucky was in old comfy jeans, a baggy silk clown shirt over the top, and his hat.

Scott was walking around the ring on his stilts while Hope performed a balancing act on the tight-rope. Pietro and Wanda were waiting on the trapeze above, and when the cue came for the acts to change over everyone moved into action.

Wanda swung in on her trapeze as Hope jumped off the tight-rope, caught on the ground by Thor the strongman and Drax the tattooed man. Mantis cartwheeled in waving ribbons while Carol juggled fire clubs. Fury stepped into the ring, red jacket and top hat on even in rehearsals, going through his cues to the imaginary audience.

Once this act was done, the clowns were up. Bucky pulled his red rubber nose into place and followed his troupe out into the ring, led by the little clown car. The music changed to a comedic beat for the clowns, while the other acts dispersed from the ring. Fury would still talk to the audience at this point, _uh-oh, here come the clowns_ , while the clown car driven by Rocket would do a loop of the ring.

This was the part where they had to wave to the kids in the front row. Then Bucky and the others would skip about, throwing buckets of confetti and other such props during the show proper. Once the clown car stopped and the guys inside did their skit of tumbling and emerging from the tiny car, they went into the clowning routine in the ring.

The clowns were always an interim while the other performers changed and got ready for another act.

Plus, they entertained the kids.

Bucky's shirt had a lightweight, material arm attached, and usually people didn't notice it as the hand was secured inside a pocket to make it look like his arm was casually resting. Sometimes he'd notice people, usually the adults, looking at him funny during the show. They could tell it wasn't a real arm, wobbling about at his side while he clowned around.

Thankfully, Bucky wasn't a focal point in the clown show anyway, he was just one of many backing clowns while the lead clown, Rocket, went through their skit. Drax and Thor joined in for part of it, as the size differences between them and Rocket was funny for the kids.

They did the ring toss bit, with Rocket in the middle, and it was Bucky's job to pick up any discarded props after it was done as the clowns all tumbled and somersaulted about.

Rocket got back inside his tiny car, honking the horn as it left the ring with the other clowns piling onto it in acrobatic fashion. As they left, Bucky trailing behind them, Natasha and Clint entered the ring: the next big act. Nat got onto her spinning wheel of death, aided by Thor and Drax, as Clint showed the audience all his very real arrows he was about to fire at her.

As Bucky stepped out of the hot spotlight and into the wings, he handed off the rings to a fellow clown. Rocket was already yelling at somebody, Peter again, for getting his elbow in Rocket's face during the rehearsal. "You idiot!" Rocket yelled over the big top's loud music. "If you elbow me again, I'll sink my teeth into you!"

Rocket was a veteran clown, and extremely cranky. His salt and pepper mutton chops bristled whenever he got angry, but anyone who'd worked with him long enough knew his bark was worse than his bite.

"Uh, guys?" Scott called, standing above them on his stilts, "can somebody toss me up my orange slices?"

Bucky found Scott's fruit bag and threw them up for Scott to catch. Rocket was still yelling indistinctly when Rhodey, the stage manager, came by to talk to them.

"After Nat and Clint are done, we're pausing rehearsal for a break," he informed them. "Our new act just arrived and we have to get their rig in."

"Cutting it a bit fine," Rocket retorted.

Rhodey shrugged. "Just take five, guys." Then he strolled off to talk to Fury.

"What new act?" Bucky asked, pulling off his plastic nose.

Nobody told him anything any more.

"Eh." Rocket grouched, not looking impressed. "Stunt bikes, from what I hear. Now the big top will stink of fuel every night. Fantastic."

"Bikes?" Bucky was intrigued. Fury's circus hadn't had any stunt bikes since that Irish family with their sideshow had left a few years ago. Well, maybe more than a few years. Bucky had been a teenager then.

"Do we know who it is?" Bucky asked.

Rocket shrugged. "Some new act. Bunch of hotshot kids trying to be Evel Knievel if you ask me."

"Everyone's kids to you, Rocket," Bucky replied.

Beside them, Drax chortled in amusement. "That's because he's _old_."

"I'll stab your knees!" Rocket yelled at Drax, while the tattooed man chortled away.

So far, a normal rehearsal day.

As the others quibbled among themselves and drifted away to go get some air, Bucky stayed by the side of the ring because he was curious.

"Hey," Nat said to him, as she and Clint came out from the ring. "You want to get some lunch?"

"You go ahead," Bucky told her. "I'll catch you up."

"Okay." She smiled at him, then her and Clint exited through the shiny curtain.

The rigging team were at work on the other side of the ring, starting to wheel in two metal ramps.

Presumably the bikes would use those in their act, Bucky thought, sitting on an empty bench to watch. He hadn't seen a bike act inside a big top before.

The riggers worked fast, positioning the ramps at opposite ends of the ring and securing them. Bucky figured Rocket would probably complain about more props being in the way, but the ramps were so slim they didn't take up that much space.

Rhodey was directing the technician stage-side to cue up music, and some loud blasts came on and off while they checked the tracks. Usual rehearsal stuff.

The track they ended up playing was very rousing and upbeat big band: lots of trumpets and horns. It was loud, filling the big top. Bucky watched Fury in the center of the ring greet some new arrivals: a trio wearing colored bike leathers, all carrying helmets under their arms.

They'd be the new act, then, Bucky supposed. It was hard to get a good look at them from a distance, but it was two guys and a woman.

Rhodey went over to chat with them too, and the stunt riders helped direct him where to position the ramps. Bucky saw another prop waiting in the wings, in the larger entrance where all the tall props came in and out. He wasn't sure what it was at first (some dark globe with holes in) but as it was wheeled a little further out, he realised it was a cage of death.

That meant the stunt riders would ride their bikes inside the dome, going around and around, upside down, any which way. An impressive act. No wonder Fury was treating the newbies like special guests. Bucky wondered if they'd do a run through now. He was very interested to see it.

But then Nebula wandered by and informed him that Rocket wanted to continue their rehearsal outside on the grass.

Bucky suppressed a sigh and got up to follow her out, looking over his shoulder at the big dome cage as he left.


	3. Always wear a smile

After lunch, Bucky headed back to his trailer so he could change.

The circus was opening later that afternoon: the field would be open to the public, and the sideshow attractions would be operating. The first show in the big top would be at seven, and a later one repeated after that.

But Bucky would have to be in costume as soon as the gates to the field opened, and he'd have to walk around entertaining. Not his favorite job to do, but on opening day was important.

Bucky walked up the steps to his trailer, toeing his shoes off outside and leaving them there so he didn't tread dust indoors. He went inside and started the arduous task of dressing.

Not the easier thing to do with one arm, though a couple of his old rigging buddies had set up some aids in the trailer to help him: an extendable hook on the wall that was able to hold the clothes while Bucky got into them. Another smaller aid on the floor that helped with putting on socks and shoes.

So many little things that he needed help with now, getting used to it all was a part of his daily life and also extremely frustrating at the same time.

After removing his practice clothes, Bucky put on fresh undergarments: his underwear, and a pair of knee length leggings over those. (This was a standard, because silky see-through clown pants plus bright stage lights were not a good mix when kids were in the audience.)

Next was a fitted white t-shirt, for similar reasons as the leggings: nobody wanted to see a clown's nipples or tattoos.

Bucky had a couple of tattoos, just some dumb shit he'd got in his early twenties that'd seemed a good idea at the time. They got covered up with the white t-shirt.

Just putting on those couple of garments was a struggle, so Bucky sat down at his dresser to have a break, and also make a start on his make-up. He pulled a headband on first, to hold all his hair back. Then came the white base for his face, so he squeezed the creamy make-up paste onto his skin in little blobs, and used a sponge to start blending it all in.

Bucky hadn't been a fan of the make-up at first; just the idea of it had made him feel embarrassed. Bucky had spent all his life before as a handyman, a rough and tumble kind of guy in regular menswear with stubble on his face. But to be a clown he had to stay clean shaven (that rule didn't apply to Rocket, but then rules didn't generally apply to Rocket) and he had to apply make-up most days, and apply it _well_.

Nebula and Gamora had helped him at first, and once Bucky had gotten used to putting make-up on and wearing it, he'd found it wasn't so bad. Actually, he'd grown to appreciate make-up, stage make-up anyway, for what it was: a mask to hide behind. There was no need for Bucky to smile politely at strangers when he already had a smile painted on his face.

This had become his mask now.

Bucky finished the creamy white base covering his face. He picked up the powder puff next and started patting white powder onto his face to set the cream. Even a simple clown look required a lot of make-up, especially to last for hours.

A knock came at his trailer door, _rat-a-tat-tat._

Clearly it was someone he knew, and Bucky thought nothing of it to get up and go open his door.

It _wasn't_ someone he knew, was what shocked him. Since he wasn't part of the rigging crew anymore, nobody came to ask him questions, so Bucky wasn't sure what this person wanted.

"Hi," the stranger said, a tall blond man with broad shoulders. He was illuminated against the bright sun behind him, like he had a heavenly glow. From what Bucky could see, the guy was dressed in navy blue bike leathers with a silver star on the chest, and he cradled a matching helmet under one arm.

He was one of the new stunt drivers, Bucky realised.

"Uh, Bucky?" the guy said, his voice deep but friendly, like he knew who Bucky was.

"Yes?" Bucky felt shy to be standing there in basically his underwear and half a clown face on. How he must look right now...

"I, um," the guy started, letting out a small chuckle. "Sorry to interrupt, I can see you're getting ready. I just wanted to say hello. I'm not sure if you remember me, but we were friends once upon a time."

Bucky squinted down at the guy, completely baffled, and then he stepped out of the sun's glare a little so Bucky was able to see his face: he'd recognise those blue eyes and that crooked nose anywhere.

" _Steve?_ "

"Yeah!" Steve grinned, his eyes crinkling up with joy. "Hi!"

"Wow," Bucky said, looking Steve over. "You're huge?"

Steve laughed at that. "I know, right? Not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting to be so tall. Makes riding the bikes a bit harder."

"I bet." Bucky couldn't get over it, last time he'd seen little Steve Rogers, he hadn't even come up to Bucky's shoulder. "How are your parents?" he asked, because Steve's dad, Joe, was a famous stunt driver, and he'd been with Fury's circus since way before he or Steve were born.

"Oh, they're great." Steve smiled at him. "They decided to live in California a while. Dad took a job as a stunt co-ordinator on a movie, and after that he kept getting offered more work, so they bought an actual house to live in. Can you believe it?"

"Wow," Bucky said again. "That's great. Say hi to them for me?"

"Sure." Steve smiled brightly. "And your folks?"

"Oh, yeah." Bucky indicated down the clearway. "Their trailer's just over there. They're all good."

"That's great," Steve said. "I was hoping you'd still be here. I know we said we'd write after I left, but..."

Bucky shrugged. "Hard when you're on the road."

"Yeah," Steve agreed, shifting his helmet on his hip. "Anyway, I got my own stunt team now. I'm pumped to be with Fury's circus, it's like coming home."

Steve seemed so happy, Bucky couldn't help smiling fondly. He was pleased to see Steve too, but... damn, Steve was hot now. Like, he'd always been attractive with boyish good looks and golden blond hair, but now he was model levels of hot.

Bucky felt himself shrinking inside his doorway shyly, especially when he noticed Steve's eyes land on his left side where he was missing an arm.

"What time are you on?" Steve asked, looking Bucky in the eyes again.

Bucky found himself looking away, too shy to meet Steve's gaze. "Um, well, when the big top starts," he said. "But I gotta go around the field before that and make nice with the punters."

"Right, sure thing," Steve said. "I'll come find you later, then?"

"Uh, yeah," Bucky replied, bemused. He wasn't sure what Steve wanted exactly.

"Great!" Steve beamed at him, then waved as he walked backward. "See ya later, Buck."

Bucky waved shyly in turn, watching as Steve turned around and walked away. God, he was tall, Bucky thought. He probably had a few inches on Bucky now, and his shoulder span was ridiculous.

Bucky retreated inside his trailer and shut the door.

That was... odd, he thought, sitting back down at his dresser. Bucky stared at himself in his mirror, feeling all sorts of inadequacies and panic wash over him after the surprise visit from Steve.

Despite the circus being his family, and them looking out for him after his accident, there was still a hierarchy just like any other social space. Namely, the big acts that drew in crowds and got paid more did _not_ hang out with nobodies like Bucky.

When he'd been part of the rigging crew, it'd been a little different. Bucky had been aware of his own looks back then, especially when working physical jobs in a tank top and showing off his nice arms. He'd mingled with everyone, because they'd all needed help from someone capable now and then. He'd even been a bit of a charmer, some might have said.

But now? None of that applied, and the charmer was gone. So was his left arm. Bucky wasn't the same person anymore: he didn't hang around the big top chatting or flirting with people, or doing odd jobs for them. No, now he skulked quietly in the background, and he was the one who needed help, and he _hated_ it.

And, he was also a clown. Kind of bottom of the ladder, as far as entertainment went. A staple of the show, yes, and popular among the kids, yes, but not exactly top draw for the big top.

Bucky was very aware of his place within the circus hierarchy, and he knew anyone else would be too. So probably Steve would say hello again today, Bucky thought, and once his act was established at the circus, he'd forget Bucky even existed.

Bucky picked up the red pencil and began to draw the exaggerated smile onto his face. He'd make his mask _extra_ smiley today, he thought. He'd sure need it.


	4. Be a clown

In full clown costume with ruffles in place, clown shoes on and bowler hat on his head, Bucky took one of the small circus promo carts and wheeled it down the clearway between the trailers, out into the field. The balloons attached to the cart bobbed and swayed with the motion, sometimes hitting Bucky on the head lightly.

The fairground music from all the different rides and sideshow attractions were playing as everyone got ready to open their attractions. It was still daylight, only mid afternoon.

"Hey, Barnes!" Loki called at him from the entrance to his little tent. "Care to see your fortune?"

"No, thanks," Bucky replied, hurrying past the tent. Loki was the circus fortune teller, and Bucky had lost enough card games to him to know not to trust him with cards.

"But it's a good fortune!" he called.

Bucky paused to give Loki a look. "How can you know that before you've even seen the cards?"

Loki grinned, tapping the side of his head. "Psychic, remember."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot." Bucky rolled his eyes. "Maybe another time."

As he continued on his way, wheeling the cart over the grass, Loki called after him, "Your lucky colors for the day are blue and yellow!"

"Okay, thanks," Bucky said, but he didn't stop. Loki was always saying odd stuff like that. Bucky didn't take much notice.

He decided to set up his cart halfway between the carousel and the shooting gallery. A prime spot for kids. It was also within sight of the ticket office, where Bucky could easily direct customers to if they had any questions about tickets. He parked the cart and pressed the button on the music box.

Up ahead in the distance, the security guard was opening up the gates. A few eager customers started to file in, mostly families with young kids.

Here we go, Bucky thought, holding his right hand up to wave. Showtime.

Bucky had a rush of kids for a while, eager to get their free balloons while the adults were eager to get concessions on their tickets.

A little girl with pigtails, holding a teddy bear, asked Bucky if he did balloon animals. Bucky had looked around briefly to see which adults were with her, but he didn't see anyone nearby, which meant nobody to explain to her that he only had one arm.

His clown shirt he wore had the fake arm attached, as if he had his hand in his pocket. But little kids didn't always notice that.

Bucky crouched down so he was eye level with the kid. "I'm afraid I don't have those types of balloons with me," he said gently. "But, tell you what. Would you and your family like to go into the big top later and watch the show?"

"Mommy said it's too expensive," the kid whispered, watching Bucky with big round eyes.

"Then I'll give you a magic ticket," Bucky told her. "It's a ticket that lets you and your family in to see the show without having to pay. But you have to hang onto it, okay?"

"I will," she promised.

Bucky got a family concession ticket from one of his pockets, and offered it to her. "Here you go. You should probably give this to your mom to hold onto."

She held the ticket in her hand reverently. "Are there lions and tigers in the show?"

"Not anymore, no." Bucky smiled. "But there's pretty ponies, and jugglers and acrobats, and lots more exciting things to see."

"Are you in it?" she asked, smiling too. She was missing her front teeth.

"I will be, yes," Bucky said. "When the clowns come out with their little car, I'll be with them. I'll wave to you, okay?"

"Okay! Bye-bye," she said, then dashed off at a rate of knots. "Mommy! Mommy!" she called, headed for the shooting gallery and waving her ticket. "Lookit what I got!"

Bucky shook his head with a smile as he stood back up.

"Think you have a fan," someone commented from behind him. Bucky turned around to see it was Steve, flanked by two more people. His stunt team, most likely, as they were all in costume. And these weren't the bike leathers from earlier, these were some flashy show costumes made of shiny, stretchy material in bright colors.

The pretty blonde on Steve's right was in a navy blue catsuit with a zip down the front, and a white stripe on her arms and legs. The cute guy on Steve's left was in a similar suit of bright red, with a deep V-cut on the chest held together by see-through mesh to show off pecs and abs.

And Steve, his suit had the same deep V-cut with the see-through panel, showing off some serious muscles there. Bucky's eyes didn't know where to land. He noticed that Steve's costume was navy blue with yellow accents, Loki's lucky colors.

"Buck," Steve said, gesturing at his companions, "this is Sharon, and Sam. Guys, this is Bucky."

"Nice to finally meet you," Sharon said, offering out her hand. "Steve hasn't shut up about you."

Bucky was mildly surprised, but he shook hands with her, forever thankful he had his right arm so he didn't have to offer the wrong hand in social situations.

"Hey, how's it going," Sam said, offering his hand next. "Looking forward to hearing any embarrassing stories you got about Steve."

Bucky smiled wickedly. "Oh, there's plenty of those."

"Hey, no!" Steve laughed, waving his hand. "Nuh-uh, let's not go there."

"Too late," Sam replied, grinning in good humor.

"Please tell me you guys wear protective gear when you ride?" Bucky said, looking all three of them over.

This had them smiling and Sam pointing a finger at Steve. "I told you people would ask!" Sam said.

"We do, though," Steve replied. "Yeah, don't worry, Buck, we got some pads to put on, and helmets of course."

"Well, good," Bucky said, not quite able to let go of his old health and safety habits. "Make sure you wear them."

"We will," Sharon assured him. "We just came out to do some promo. Rhodey's got the local press coming to take our picture."

Of course, Bucky thought. Big new act for the circus? It was great publicity. He glanced between Steve and Sam, then gestured at their chests. "You should cover up all those rippling muscles, there's kids out here, y'know."

He was only teasing. All the big acts wore revealing spandex, that was half the attraction. Give the adults something to look at, too.

Steve and Sam found his joke highly amusing and laughed about it.

"This is why I have a zip," Sharon said, tugging the zipper on her chest. "Zip it down for promo, and zip it up again later when we ride. It's so practical."

"Yeah," Sam laughed, " and you can always tell if Sharon likes someone when the zipper comes down a little more while she's talking to them."

Sharon swatted him on the arm as she laughed. "Stop giving away all my secrets, Sam."

"Uh, why don't you guys go on ahead," Steve said to them. "I'll catch you up in a minute."

"Sure, thing, Rogers." Sam waggled his eyebrows at Steve, as Sharon pushed him away.

"C'mon, Sam," she said, tugging Sam with her. "It was great meeting you!" she said to Bucky as they left.

"You, too," Bucky replied, then looked at Steve. "What's wrong?"

"Hm?" Steve blinked in confusion. "Nothing's wrong. Why?"

"Oh. I thought something was wrong?"

"No?" Steve broke into a grin. "I just wanted to talk to you without those two goofballs here."

"Oh," Bucky said, as a blush broke out over his face. Never had he been so thankful for his thick clown make-up.

"I just wondered if you wanted to hang out between shows tonight?" Steve asked. "Or after? I wasn't sure what your schedule is now."

"Um, yeah, sure," Bucky said. He figured Steve was essentially new here, as it'd been so long, and he probably wanted a familiar face to guide him through the nightly routine.

"Great!" Steve grinned at him. "I'll come find you. Will you be in this outfit?"

"Yes," Bucky said, feeling shy all over again. "I'm mostly a clown now."

"I like this bit," Steve said, reaching out to touch the ruffle around Bucky's neck. "You look like that little clown doll my mom used to collect."

"Pierrot," Bucky said. "Yeah, that's the idea."

"It's cute." Steve smiled. "You make a cute clown."

Bucky couldn't decide if Steve was teasing him or not, as their history was kind of... _complicated_. They'd been friends, close friends as kids and then age twelve their friendship had grown into something more, something they'd never quite had the courage to take beyond long hugs or the occasional peck on the lips.

And back then Bucky hadn't yet put two and two together to realise he was into guys. Steve had upped and left before Bucky had realised how much he'd cared about him.

Now Steve was back and more gorgeous than ever, and standing in front of Bucky right now in _that_ costume looking like a Greek god or something. And he'd said Bucky made a cute clown? Well...

There were a lot of feelings to unpack there, along with a fair amount of nerves.

Thankfully an approaching parent with a kid interrupted them, and Steve took his cue to leave.

"I'll see you later?" he asked quietly.

Bucky nodded.

At the very least, he'd like to be friends again, so he'd be there for Steve if he wanted him, even though Bucky didn't expect Steve's attention on him to last very long.

Steve smiled brightly before he left, waving to the little kid as he walked by. He really did look amazing in that figure hugging costume.

Bucky noticed the mom gape after Steve's retreating form, and he had to press his lips together so he didn't smile.

Me, too, lady, he thought wryly.


	5. All the world loves a clown

The big top was open for its first show.

The lead up to a show was always a frantic _rush_ of getting ready while trying not to bump into co-workers backstage and ringside, everyone in their finest show costumes with sparkles, sequins, and spandex everywhere.

Bucky never minded the rush as it kept him occupied, but tonight he was distracted. He kept looking around to try see Steve and his stunt bike team, but they were probably outside the tent either rehearsing or chilling out.

Big acts didn't come on until the later part of the show, and the bike act was closing.

The show went on as normal, with ringmaster Fury greeting the audience. They had a decent sized audience for opening night, which was a relief. A lot of happy faces with plenty of smiling kids in the front row.

When the clowns had their turn in the ring, Bucky walked about waving to the kids as they shrieked with excitement and waved back. He spotted the little girl in pigtails he'd given a family ticket to, sitting with her parents and another kid. She was pointing and waving at him like she was happy to see him, so Bucky went over there and reached into his pocket, then tossed some colorful confetti onto the kids.

Kids always loved confetti, and these two giggled with delight. Bucky tipped his hat to them then continued on his way.

The clown car honked loudly, making its rounds of the ring. Rocket and Gamora did their bucket of water trick, with water that magically disappeared whenever Rocket went to throw it onto the audience and making the kids squeal. Sometimes glitter came out, which kids enjoyed too.

The clowns were almost at the end of their skit, making a final loop around the ring, when Bucky spotted Steve standing at a ringside exit. He was still in his ridiculous ( _amazing_ ) spandex costume, hands on his hips as he watched Bucky with a huge grin on his face.

When he saw Bucky notice him, he waved.

Bucky was already waving, because of all the kids, but his wave became more modest now he knew Steve was watching. And he'd have to walk right past Steve too.

Oh, let the ground eat him up right now.

Bucky kept walking, trying to focus on the excited kids in the front row, the honking of clown noises from the ring, anything but Steve Rogers and his mega watt smile.

"Lookin' good, Buck," Steve commented, as Bucky had to pass him by.

Bucky gave him a flat look in response, which only made Steve chuckle at him.

"I thought Rocket was the grumpy clown," Steve said, and Bucky had to fight a smile.

_Fuck you_ , he mouthed, knowing Steve would read his lips. (He'd always been hard of hearing, same as his dad Joe, so he knew how to read lips and sign.) Steve only smiled wider, the same mischievous little shit he'd always been, annoying Bucky over something and enjoying it.

For a moment Bucky was transported back to childhood and bickering light heartedly with Steve, laughing together over something silly. For a moment, his heart felt lighter.

" _Bucky!_ " Rocket yelled at him over the big top music, because Bucky had fallen behind the troupe and wasn't picking up their props. "Are you joining us, or what?"

Bucky had to hustle to grab the props off the floor and rejoin the clowns as they made their way out of the ring.

"Who was that you're talking to?" Rocket demanded when they got backstage.

"Um, Steve," Bucky said, focusing on the props and not Rocket's beady gaze boring into him.

"Steve, who?" Gamora asked.

"From the bike act?" Rocket scoffed. "Bah! What're you talking to them for? Big acts don't bother with us."

"It's _Steve_ , Rocket," Bucky told him. "Joe Rogers' son."

Rocket didn't often looked shocked, but his face morphed into one of shock right now, even under all the clown make-up. "That's little Steve Rogers!" he yelled. "Get outta here!"

"It is," Bucky said, feeling himself blush when he noticed all eyes in the backstage area on them. Natasha and Clint were nearby, as were Scott, Hope and Wanda.

"Did you say Steve Rogers?" Nat asked, coming up to them.

"Yes!" Bucky said, exasperated. "Didn't he come and say hello to you?"

"No, he didn't." Nat blinked back at him calmly. "Did he say hello to you?"

"Well," Bucky spluttered, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut, "yeah, I, um, I saw him and his team out on the field earlier. Didn't you see them?"

"Yeah, from a distance," Nat said, "but I didn't recognise him as _Steve._ Why didn't you tell us?"

"I've barely seen you all afternoon," Bucky retorted, a little snappier than he'd intended. "He just came over to say hello, Nat, that's all."

Natasha smiled, and something about it was knowing. "I see," she said, then waltzed off with Clint in tow because they had to take their cue.

"Who's Steve?" Peter piped up.

"Now that Joe Rogers," Rocket said, ignoring Peter and wagging his finger, "now _he_ was a legend. Let's see if his kid measures up, huh."

Bucky had to admit, he was curious too.

The show flew by quick, like they tended to do. That meant it was time for the closing act, and Bucky watched nervously from the wings as Fury announced the new bike stunt team to the audience.

The rigging team and Rhodey used the announcement time to set the ring, unveiling the jumping platforms on either side of the ring, and positioning a few smaller props inside the ring. Bucky's fellow clowns bustled around the ringside curtain, jostling Bucky for the best spot.

"Put your hands together," Fury commanded into the mic, "for the most amazing stunt riding team you'll ever see in your lives! Introducing..." He pointed to the far side of the ring, red sequin jacket flashing under the lights. "The woman who knows no fear! Call her Agent Thirteen, it's _Sharon Carter!_ "

A dirt bike burst out into the ring, its enginge revving noisily. Sharon was its rider, white helmet on and catsuit zipped up tight just as she'd promised. She sped around the ring in a fast lap before skidding to a stop and waving at the audience as they applauded.

"And joining her is the man who can fly, see him soar through the air!" Fury announced. "The Falcon of the sky, _Sam Wilson!_ "

The second bike sped in, doing a quick lap. Sam's helmet had red and white wings painted onto it, and he circled the ring several times as Sharon revved her bike and circled in the opposite direction.

It was clearly rehearsed, as Sharon and Sam both sped up a double sided ramp in the center of the ring at the same time, leaping into the air with such beautiful precision that they looked like two dancers.

The bikes landed on the sawdust ground and continued speeding around as the audience clapped and cheered. When Sharon and Sam stopped their bikes, they slapped a high five.

"Eugh," Rocket complained next to Bucky, "all I can smell is their freakin' fuel! Gas stinkin' up the tent."

"Quit complaining," Gamora hissed, "it's fun."

"And now!" Fury announced into the mic. "It is my personal honor to welcome back to Fury's Flying Circus a very special guest! Son of Joe Rogers himself, legendary stunt rider, his all American son... _Steve Rogers!_ "

This was it, Bucky thought. The moment he'd been waiting for.

"All American?" Rocket scoffed, partially drowned out by the sounds of a bike engine revving across the ring. "They were as Irish as they come!"

Bucky ignored him and watched the ring, looking for Steve's bike. Steve didn't drive in like Sharon and Sam had: Bucky spotted Steve's bike already speeding up one of the big ramps. His heart lodged itself in his throat as he watched Steve's bike fly off the ramp, soaring and spinning mid air.

Bucky honestly thought he'd faint, but he couldn't look away. Thankfully Steve landed his bike safely on the opposite ramp, driving down it and into the ring.

Now the three riders were together they revved their bikes and zipped about the ring together, Fury in the middle tipping his hat to them. They performed tricks on the bikes, doing a hard stop that had the bikes raising up on their front wheels to balance like a handstand, then spinning the bikes in the dirt to speed off again at high speed and do some small jumps.

Bucky hadn't fainted yet, but he was definitely going to have heart failure watching this.

"Hey, they're pretty good!" Gamora said happily.

"Humf," Rocket grumbled. "Be funny if they knocked Fury over."

The team performed a few more tricks, all choreographed like a fine ballet of bikes. Steve and Sam used the high ramps a couple times to perform dual jumps, then all three of them went around on a circuit chasing each other with consecutive jumps one after the other.

Bucky still felt nervous watching them. It wasn't that Bucky doubted their competence or anything, he just had leftover stage-hand anxiety over something going wrong.

But... he wasn't in the rigging team any more. Health and safety wasn't his responsibility. Now if only his anxiety would remember that so he could relax and enjoy the show.

The rigging team moved the ramps away and slowly wheeled in the cage of death.

Oh, jeez.

Next time, Bucky decided, he'd either take half a Valium before Steve's act went on, or he'd go outside where he couldn't watch.

Fury was still bigging up Steve's team to the audience, telling them all about the cage of death as the techs got it prepared in the ring. Bucky remembered all the stunts Steve's dad, Joe, had done. His sideshow at the circus had been the wall of death, slightly different than a cage because Joe drove cars mainly. A couple times he'd even let Steve and Bucky ride in the backseat as kids when he'd driven his stunt car around and around inside the vertical dome. (Bucky's mom had _not_ been happy about that when she'd found out.)

The wall of death had never bothered Bucky, but then there'd only been the one car inside it. As the techs shone spotlights onto the metal cage of death in the ring, lighting it up from all angles, Bucky felt his heart in his throat again.

Fury gave the spiel to the audience as Rhodey opened a hatch, and the first rider to drive inside the cage was Sam. The backing music became dramatic at this point, where before it'd been all fanfare and trumpets.

After Sam sped his bike around inside the dome, upside down and all ways, Sharon revved up and joined him inside the cage.

Two riders in a small cage was already a lot, Bucky knew that. He watched in awe, marvelling at their riding skill so they didn't bump into each other as they both looped the loop inside the cage.

Then Steve revved his bike and zipped into the cage next, and the hatch was closed. All three riders sped up and looped the inside of the cage, the music becoming tense and the spotlights changing colors as they rode around.

Bucky wasn't religious, but he sent a prayer now to whoever was listening. He wasn't sure how long he could watch this go on for, but realistically he knew it couldn't be too long, a matter of minutes at most.

A few tense moments and then their act was finished as the hatch was opened, and each rider sped out of the cage and skidded to a stop in the ring. They all took off their helmets as they straddled their bikes and waved to the cheering audience. The spotlights shone on them, the music swelled, and Fury sounded thrilled as he announced them again to the crowd.

"Humf," Rocket said grudgingly. "Suppose it was alright. Stinks of fuel, though."

Bucky smiled, and now that the first show was over he was looking forward to seeing Steve during the interval.

Unfortunately for Bucky, lots of other people wanted to see Steve during the interval too.

He and his team were swamped with circus folk trying to chat to them and welcome them into the family. Some of them Steve already knew a little from his time here before, like Nat, and Scott. Or they'd known Steve's parents. Everyone wanted to catch up with Steve, talk to the new act.

Bucky barely got a look in, but he'd figured this would happen so he wasn't mad. In fact, he was happy for Steve, he deserved recognition and so did his team. They were clearly talented.

So he stayed on the sidelines, kept out of everyone's way and ate a bit of dinner with Wanda and Pietro. (They were a little annoyed at being punted off the top slot, but that's how circus shows went; had to keep the act big and flashy or risk being sent down the bill when someone flashier came along.)

Soon it was time for the next showing, so they went through it all over again. Bucky was growing tired by this point, as were a lot of the cast. Most of them had been up and in their costumes all day, and Bucky couldn't wait to take all his make-up off.

When the clown troupe was done for the night, Bucky told Rocket backstage that he was heading off to his trailer early. He wasn't needed especially, as the clown props were already tidied away and there wasn't a lot else he could he useful for.

"Sure, kid," Rocket told him. "Go get some rest."

Bucky smiled awkwardly and left just as Fury began announcing the bike team. It wasn't that Bucky didn't want to watch... he was just wired and tired, and he need to go start his post performance wind down or he'd never get to sleep tonight.

He left the big top and its loud music, walking out into the darkened field. The circus was winding down too, a lot of the side show attractions having shut for the night or were serving their last customers.

The lights were still flickering on and off as Bucky crossed the field, heading to the trailers. Bucky wondered where Steve's trailer was parked, and how big it might be, but all the big acts had their trailers down at the other side of the field, where it was more private.

Bucky's trailer was small and among the main crew, so it was usually noisy with people walking back and forth.

Still, it was home.

He unlocked his trailer and let himself in, clown shoes off at the door. He switched on his light and pulled the tiny drapes on his small windows closed. Such a relief to be home. No more smiling and waving at people, he could just relax.

Bucky began the task of getting undressed, using his aids and hanging up his clown costume as best he could. Every little thing was tiring with only one arm.

Next he took off his undergarments and put them into the hamper. They'd be collected for laundry the next morning. Bucky put on comfy sweatpants and had himself a wash with water from the basin.

Once the wash was done, he had to tackle his clown make-up before he even attempted to pull a clean shirt over his face. (Removing the make-up was both the best and worst part of wearing make-up.)

Bucky sat at his dresser, switching on the light there. He started with a clean and warm washcloth for his face: a few dabs of skin friendly oil to take off most of the white cream and powder. He had to look at himself in the mirror doing this, or he'd end up with make-up smeared in places it wasn't supposed to be.

When the white base and red lips were off, Bucky rubbed some of the oil directly onto his skin with his fingers, and massaged it in around his eyes. The caked make-up became moist, and then it was easier to use another face cloth and wipe it off.

When it was done, Bucky looked at himself in the mirror. A little black paint left around his eyes, but that often happened. He'd deal with it in the morning. He dressed in a clean top and pulled on his softest robe.

He had a good book he was reading, and he intended to read at least a couple chapters with a glass of bourbon to help him drift off to sleep.

Then came a _rat-a-tat-tat_ at his trailer door.

Bucky figured it had to be Natasha with a snack or something. He got up and went to the door, opening it. Steve was outside, still in his revealing show costume and grinning up at Bucky with a bright smile.

"Hey, Buck," he said.


	6. When opportunity knocks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note to say, a couple of brief mentions of standard medication in a positive way. Yay for medicine, of course. 
> 
> ~ ~

"Steve," Bucky said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

The smile on Steve's handsome face dimmed a little, and Bucky instantly regretted how his words had come out.

"Oh, I, um," Steve started, and rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, a nervous habit he'd had as a kid . "I didn't get to talk to you much during the interval, so..."

"You wanna come in?" Bucky blurted out, before he lost his nerve.

"You sure?" Steve asked. "You're not going to bed?"

Bucky felt his cheeks flush, and there was no clown make-up now to disguise it. "I was, I mean, I was going to read. But come in for a bit."

Steve smiled. "Okay. Thanks."

Bucky stood aside so Steve could come into the trailer, his large frame filling the small doorway. Bucky had to move out the way some more while Steve bent down to take his boots and socks off, leaving them at the door.

"Your toes will get cold," Bucky pointed out.

Steve only grinned at him. "I'm hot, though."

 _Yes, you are_ , Bucky thought, and by some miracle didn't say out loud. "Um," he said instead, averting his eyes from Steve's magnificent chest on display through the sheer fabric. "I'll get you some clean socks."

"I'm so honored," Steve joked, looking around Bucky's trailer space. "Can I sit down?"

"Sure," Bucky said, opening a drawer for clean socks. "You don't have to ask, you jerk. Just sit your ass down."

Steve laughed as he collapsed onto Bucky's bed, the only seat in the trailer. It was pretty standard for trailers, and they'd spent a lot of time as kids huddled up together under blankets in the same cubby beds.

Bucky handed Steve a pair of socks. Then he glanced around his kitchen area behind him, trying to think of something else to offer Steve. "You want a drink?"

"I don't drink," Steve told him, pulling on the socks one at a time. Bucky got a little distracted watching him, the ease with which he pulled the socks on made Bucky envious and jealous of his nice arms. Steve looked up at him when he was done and smiled. "But thanks."

"Tea, then?" Bucky asked.

"Tea would be great," Steve replied.

So, Bucky made tea. He slipped a little whiskey in his own, because nerves. Now he had to pretend to be a normal human being while talking to Steve, and not a complete disaster. God help him.

"Here." Bucky passed Steve his mug first, as he only had the one hand.

"Thanks, Buck." Steve gave him a bright smile as he took the mug. "Do you want me to hold yours while you sit down?"

"Um, yeah." Bucky handed Steve his own mug next. "Don't sip mine, it's roofied," he said, as Steve broke into a laugh.

Steve held the mugs as Bucky got himself back onto the bed, shuffling away to the wall to give Steve room. He'd thought Steve would sit opposite him, though he wasn't all that surprised when Steve sat next to him instead. This was what they'd done all the time as kids, sitting side by side against the pillows, either looking out the window or listening to the radio.

Bucky pulled the comforter over himself, and took his mug when Steve offered it to him.

"Thanks."

Steve lifted his mug in a toast. "Cheers to you, jerk."

Bucky smiled. "And to you, jerk."

They sipped their tea, with Bucky trying to avoid looking at Steve's face, instead looked at Steve's long, spandex clad legs spread out next to him.

Then Steve shifted and found Bucky's book under his ass. "What's this?" he said, looking at the cover.

"Wait, don't," Bucky tried, and would've tried to grab the book but his only hand had hot tea in it. All he could do was poke Steve's leg with his foot and watch with muted horror as Steve grinned wickedly.

"Harlequin romance, huh?" Steve teased.

Bucky groaned quietly. "Just... shut up, alright."

"Whatever floats your boat, Buck," Steve said, flipping the book over to read the back. "It's straight?"

"What?"

"It's a man and a woman?" Steve clarified, looking at Bucky questioningly.

"Uh, yes?"

"Oh," Steve said, sounding disappointed. "Are you... into that?"

"Into what? Books?"

"I mean, are you straight?" Steve asked. "I thought maybe..."

"I'm very not straight," Bucky replied, as his cheeks burned hot again. "I just like reading these books."

"Oh," Steve said, sounding brighter now. "Well, great." He sipped at his tea, quiet for a moment. "Shall we read it together?"

Bucky's entire face felt like it was about to burst into flame right now. "What? Why?"

"I wanna see why you like it," Steve said.

"It's corny," Bucky told him. "That's why I like it."

"Is it raunchy, too?" Steve grinned at him, his grin getting wider when Bucky didn't answer, only blushed more. "Ha, ha, I knew it!"

"Oh, fuck off," Bucky murmured, trying not to smile. "You can read it if you want."

"Alright." Steve set down his mug and flipped through to the bookmarked page in the book. "You want me to start here?"

"I don't mind." Bucky set his mug down also so he could settle more comfortably in the bed, and hide more easily under the comforter if at all necessary.

Steve read from the page, where the heroine of the story was currently having a very dramatic love-life crisis and was about to fling herself into the arms of a dashing suitor.

Steve read very well, his rich, deep voice suited to story telling, except when he started chuckling at some of the parts he read and did some dramatic, silly voices for the characters saying their lines. Bucky laughed quite a bit, until his face started to hurt. He enjoyed being read to, it was nice.

Steve got through two whole chapters before he put the book away and laid down in the bed. Bucky threw another comforter over him, and they laid side by side listening to the quiet.

"I'm glad you have a clock," Steve said, stifling a yawn. "I have such bad Tinnitus in my ears."

Bucky sat up so he could move the little ticking clock on the shelf closer to Steve. "That better?"

Steve smiled sleepily. "Yeah. Thanks, Buck."

"Are you falling asleep?"

"Maybe?" Steve's eyelids drooped closed. "Adrenalin crash. Happens every night."

"I bet," Bucky said dryly. He laid back down, tilting on his side so he could sneak a look at Steve.

"You watch my act?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Bucky said. "Nearly had a heart attack, but you're all amazing."

Steve shifted onto his side, facing Bucky with a smile. "Thanks, Buck. You know, my mom literally fainted when I had my first show."

"Your poor mom," Bucky teased. "First your dad being a daredevil, now you."

"That's why I decided to tour the show," Steve said. "Gives her a break from worrying about me. She's on Valium, but she still worries."

"Me, too," Bucky said. "I mean, I'm on Valium."

"'Cause you're a worrier," Steve pointed out.

"Because of jerks like you," Bucky retorted.

They shared a smile.

"But you liked the show?" Steve asked.

"Of course I liked it," Bucky said. "It's a show stopper."

"Fury wants us to up the ante," Steve yawned. "Like, borrow one of the performers and have them stand in the cage while we drive around them."

Bucky scoffed lightly. "Nobody in their right mind would do that. And also, good luck dragging anyone away from their own acts."

"What about you?" Steve asked. "You could do it? You're used to stunt riding. We used to do it all the time with my dad's cars."

"Steve," Bucky said flatly, "there isn't enough Valium in the world to get me in that cage with you."

~~

Bucky slept soundly, and was already drifting awake when he heard knocking on his trailer door and his mom calling his name.

"Shit," he muttered, trying to untangle himself from the blankets, and also Steve who was still fast asleep next to him.

It was morning, the light streaming in through the drapes. Bucky wasn't sure what time it was, but he had to go check what his mom needed.

He carefully extracted himself from the bed and stumbled toward his door, still half asleep. He was aware he looked a mess but it was nothing his mom hadn't seen before, and at least he was fully dressed. Bucky blew some hair out of his eyes, then opened the door to peep around it.

"What, where's the fire?" he asked, looking at his mom down on the ground. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, Winnie in her casual clothes of shirt and dungarees. She had some Tupperware in hand, which meant food.

"You weren't at breakfast," Winnie said accusingly. "I got worried!"

Shit, he'd overslept that long?

"I, um, I slept in?" Bucky said weakly. He stayed guarding his door so Winnie would get the hint and not barge into his trailer like she usually did.

"Okay, well, have some breakfast!" she insisted, coming up the steps so she could hand the tubs over to him. "Can I help you with––"

"No, I got it," Bucky said quickly, using his one hand to take the tubs and sort of balance them against his chest. They were warm, and his stomach rumbled in anticipation.

"Shall I make you some tea?" Winnie offered.

"No, Mom, I'm fine." Bucky had to duck inside his trailer in order to set the Tupperware down, and Steve evidently chose that exact moment to stir in the bed.

Winnie let out a surprised little, "Oh."

Bucky knew the game was up, though he came back to his doorway to block her view. "Mom, I'm fine," he said firmly. "I'll see you later, okay?"

Winnie had a knowing smile on her face now, looking awfully smug too. "Yes, dear, of course," she said, stepping down onto the grass again. "I'll see you later. Have fun now!"

Bucky suppressed a groan as she left, and now he could finally shut his door again.

"Was that your mom?" Steve said with a yawn.

"Yes," Bucky grumped, feeling embarrassed and annoyed over it. "She left breakfast."

"I love your mom," Steve declared, throwing off the covers and getting up with a stretch. He came over to help Bucky with the lids, and together they plated up their cooked breakfast and sat down to eat it.

"Mmm, amazing," Steve said with his mouth full as he shovelled it all in.

"Surprised she hasn't come back with seconds," Bucky said, half expecting Winnie to bang on his door again. "She's so nosy."

Steve laughed softly. "Only because you're so secretive."

Bucky frowned. "How am I secretive? I'm literally minding my own business in my trailer."

"You _know_ circus folk, Buck," Steve pointed out. "Anyone who doesn't want to hang out is immediately a point of interest."

"I guess." Bucky sighed. "I'm just not in the mood to stand around chatting with everyone all the damn time."

"And there's nothing wrong with that," Steve replied. "I mean, that's why you used to hang out with me, right? Because I was off doing something on my own instead of hanging around with the other kids."

Bucky supposed that was right. Steve had been an odd one out back then, ignoring the other circus kids and either doing something on his own or something with his dad's cars. Bucky had thought Steve was interesting, and they'd just started spending more and more time together over the years.

"But you're allowed to do all that when you're a kid," Bucky grouched. "When you're an adult suddenly it's _rude_ to want time to yourself."

"Yeah." Steve was quiet a moment, looking sidelong at Bucky. "I'll, uh... get out of your hair in a minute."

"What? No, not you," Bucky told him. "I meant everyone else."

Steve smiled at him. "Alright, Buck. I guess I should go and shower. Do you wanna come find me later? Or are you on walkabout duty?"

"Uh, I probably am," Bucky said. "And the big top has a matinee today."

"Come find me around the big top, then." Steve grinned at him. "My stuff's parked outside the tent. We can see if you fit in the cage."

Bucky smiled wryly. "You're not getting me in that cage, Steve."

"Well, if you're scared," Steve said teasingly, "I understand..."

"I didn't say I was _scared_ ," Bucky retorted. "I just have good sense."

Steve laughed brightly, and it made Bucky laugh too.

"I think it would be fun," Steve told him, getting up to leave. "You and me, in on an act together. Think about it, okay?" He smiled at Bucky as he exited the trailer, shutting the door closed behind him.

Bucky _was_ thinking about it, but the logical conclusion his mind kept providing him was _no way, nuh-uh_. No way he was getting inside a cage with multiple motorbikes all flying around every which way to Sunday.

Someone else would have to do it.

And then Bucky thought about _someone else_ joining Steve's team, and Steve's attention being on that someone else too. That thought ignited Bucky's jealousy quite a bit, and he wasn't sure what to do with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Bucky will do it?


	7. Let your heart smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to show you a picture of what a 'cage of death' in the circus looks like!  
> Known as the 'globe of death' (later renamed 'globe of steel') this circus act first started with bicycles at the turn of the Century, later using bikes (usually dirt bikes, which are small and light weight) in later decades. I thought it had such a nice classic and timeless feel to it, and perfect for Team Cap.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this final chapter in the story!

~ ~ 

Bucky dressed himself in his civilian clothes, because it was still early and he'd have plenty of time to return to his trailer and clown up.

At least, that's what he told himself. It wasn't about wanting to look like nice for Steve or anything. Nope.

He wore his comfy jeans, a t-shirt, and a light jacket over the top with the left sleeve pinned up. The jacket had patches on from all the various towns Bucky had visited with the circus over the years, and it was his favorite.

There wasn't a lot he could do with his hair with only one hand, so he left it down. At the door he slipped on his shoes, using his long handled aid to ease his feet in, then closed the door behind him and set off across the grass.

If Bucky felt a certain spring in his step this morning, he put it down to having a good night's rest. It wasn't about Steve, he told himself.

Well, maybe not _all_ about Steve. Maybe some percentage of his good mood was Steve induced. Steve had always lifted Bucky's mood, though. That's what friends did, right? They cheered each other up.

The field wasn't open to the public just yet, but a few of the side show attractions were getting ready, prepping their stalls and their tents. Bucky had to walk past the fortune telling tent, and sure enough Loki was lurking out front again, grinning smugly as Bucky approached.

"How were your lucky colors yesterday?" he called over.

Bucky instantly thought of Steve, but he kept a poker face on. He wasn't sure what to say in reply, either. A casual shrug was all he could come up with as he passed by the tent.

Loki was still grinning. "Want to know your fortune for today?"

"Uh... not really?" Bucky said dubiously.

"Time to face new challenges, Barnes!" Loki called after him. "Seize opportunity!"

"Is that my fortune or just general advice?" Bucky replied, not slowing his pace.

"Take it as you wish!" Loki called back.

Bucky waved his hand as a goodbye. He wasn't going to let himself get drawn into a cryptic conversation with Loki right now. That guy enjoyed stirring things up and Bucky didn't usually take much notice.

He made his way to the big top, heading around the back where the big props were set up outside the tent. Steve was there, with his crew and their bikes. They had a ramp set up on a hay bale like they were practising.

Bucky's eye twitched at the fact they were all in casual clothes as well, no protective gear on. But circus folks were like that, even Bucky's sisters who rode the horses did so without helmets but instead feathered plumes on their heads. It was all part of their lifestyle.

Bucky was aware that he'd lost a lot of his old laid back attitude due to his accident, but he hadn't realised how much of the old him he'd lost until Steve had shown up. Seeing Steve messing about with his crew on his bike reminded Bucky of how carefree he'd once been, and he really missed that guy.

A lump formed in his throat but Bucky swallowed past it and kept his poker face on, approaching the bike team.

They weren't doing anything too fast or dangerous, probably just doing some training or practise like most performers did. All three of them were straddling their bikes, engines running, but only Sam was going up and down the ramp as Steve and Sharon watched and called over to him.

Bucky stopped at a safe distance, watching as Sam performed a trick on the ramp: twisting the bike around in a twirl on the narrow wood beam.

"Yes!" Sharon cheered, clapping her hands.

"Can we do this in tandem?" Steve said, then noticed Bucky and raised a hand to wave him over. "Buck! Hey!"

Bucky approached, smiling shyly in return. "Where's your helmet, Steve?" he chided.

Steve chuckled. "I'm not doing anything yet!"

"Just wear it for me," Bucky asked. "Don't turn me grey early."

"I'll put my helmet on if you get in the cage with me," Steve countered, a mischievous glint in his eye.

Bucky sighed. "Just you," he said.

"Just me." Steve smiled at him. "It'll be great!"

"Hmm," Bucky replied, though he was fighting a smile. "We'll see about that."

Steve laughed and revved his bike, zooming off across the grass. Bucky located Steve's helmet and picked it up, then followed on foot after Steve. The big metal cage of death towered over them, though it looked less imposing in the daylight.

"How much Valium have you taken?" Steve asked.

"Enough." Bucky thrust the helmet at Steve. "You go in first, and nothing too fast."

"That's what she said," Steve quipped, pulling the helmet over his head.

Bucky fought another smile and a blush at the same time. If adult Steve was this cheeky all the time, Bucky'd have to step his game up.

Steve drove his bike up the ramp and through the cage's hatch, doing one loop around the cage before slowing to a stop and cutting the engine. Bucky took that as his cue to get in, and he started up the ramp.

His heart thudded heavily in his chest and he made sure to regulate his breathing like he'd learned in therapy. Bucky trusted Steve, and he wasn't committing to anything here, they were just messing about.

He entered the cage via the hatch, and being inside felt better than being on the outside somehow. Of course, as with all acts, watching one was more anxiety inducing than doing it.

"Shall I close the door?" Bucky asked, and when Steve nodded he turned around to pull the hatch door closed.

Sharon appeared on the other side to help, as it was quite heavy. "Just shout if you want it open," she said with a grin, standing back to watch. Sam had come to watch too, not that Bucky minded. Having people on hand was always useful.

"Buck, can you stand in the center?" Steve called over.

Bucky went to the center point of the cage, while Steve positioned his bike at an angle.

"Just wanna check how tall you are!" Steve yelled, leaning on his bike. The engine wasn't on, but Bucky figured Steve couldn't hear as well with the helmet on, and being hard of hearing.

Bucky lifted his hand and did the universal _okay_ sign. He stood still as Steve leaned on the stationary bike, his head and shoulders only a couple of feet from Bucky.

"You're so tall," Bucky said, mostly to himself. "You should be riding one of the little clown bikes instead."

Outside the cage, Sharon and Sam burst into laughter.

"What?" Steve asked, looking at Bucky.

Bucky shook his head. "I'll tell you later. Concentrate."

"I've done this a thousand times," Steve replied, and started the bike engine.

"But not with me," Bucky said, although his words were drowned out by the bike.

"You can do it, guys!" Sharon called out, clapping her hands. "C'mon!"

Steve motioned at Bucky that he was ready to go, so Bucky nodded at him. Then he kept very still as Steve gunned his engine and rocketed off around the cage. Bucky's heart skipped a beat at first, but it all happened so fast it was over in a flash, and it seemed like he'd worried for nothing. One second he was dreading the worst, then the next Steve had shot around the cage twice, whipping past Bucky in loops, then come to a stop.

Bucky exhaled shakily. They'd done it.

He turned to where Steve was and the two of them shared a grin. Well, Bucky couldn't see Steve's mouth because of the helmet but he could tell by Steve's eyes crinkling up that he was grinning.

"Piece a cake!" Steve yelled over the bike's noise.

Bucky made the _okay_ sign again. Sharon and Sam were applauding outside the cage, and when Bucky looked down at them on the grass he noticed a couple more folks had stopped to watch too. Just some of the rigging team and a couple of performers out of costume.

Bucky felt his cheeks flush, but with exhilaration rather than nerves. He didn't want to stop either, so he motioned to Steve with his finger to do another loop.

Steve's face lit up, and he motioned back with his hand as he yelled, "I'm gonna go higher this time!"

Bucky nodded, and kept perfectly still. He focused on a single point outside the cage, one of the colorful tents in the distance.

Steve revved his bike and shot off again. He did five loops this time, Bucky counted them, and his bike zoomed all around the cage this time, going up the walls.

It was funny, but Bucky felt transported back in time to playing around with Steve in Joe Rogers' wall of death with the car. As kids he and Steve had spent many hours of their childhoods leaning over the side of the circular wall, looking down at Steve's dad driving his stunt car around and around the walls.

Steve had been the first one to ask Joe if he could stand in the middle, drawing more onlookers to the attraction as Joe circled him. Bucky had joined him a couple of times, both of them bursting with excitement but having to stay stock still as the car had whizzed around them.

And they'd never told their moms about it.

The bike stunt wasn't able to go on as long as car stunts, because of the driver's centre of gravity being different. Bucky was aware of that, but it still seemed to be over very quickly to him all the same.

Steve scuffed to a neat stop opposite Bucky and cut the engine. When he pulled off his helmet, his hair a ruffled mess now, he was grinning from ear to ear. "That was awesome!" he yelled.

Bucky grinned back at him. "I just remembered how we used to stand in your dad's act without telling our moms."

"Oh, yeah!" Steve laughed. "A couple times! And my mom still doesn't know!"

"Steve, stop yelling," Bucky said.

"Hey, guys?" Sharon called into the cage. "Would you want to try it with another rider?"

"Yeah, I'm game!" Sam offered.

Bucky looked to Steve, who shrugged his shoulder.

"It's your call, Buck," Steve said. "We could just go around the floor for now, since I need a couple minutes before going upside down again anyway."

"Um... yeah," Bucky agreed. "Just the floor."

Steve gestured to Sam, and it took a minute for Sam to get his bike and helmet anyway. Steve had his engine off, straddling his bike as he waited. Bucky noticed that more of the circus team were gathering around the cage to watch them. Nothing unusual there, everyone stopped by to watch new acts or watch their friends practicing. It was new for Bucky to be the one being watched though, especially as he wasn't clowning right now. He felt a small and curious amount of excitement churning in his belly from it all, in a good way like pre-show anticipation.

Sharon opened the hatch, and Sam carefully rode his bike in. "You can do it, guys!" she called in encouragement.

"Keep on the lower level!" Steve yelled over to Sam, holding up four fingers. "Four loops counter-clockwise!"

Sam nodded, revving his bike's engine as Steve started his.

Bucky prepared himself to stand still, finding his focal point in the distance and keeping his breaths even. It was almost like going into a trance, zoning out as the bikes took off and sped around him noisily.

Again, it was over so fast, and having two bikes wasn't much different to the one bike, Bucky thought. Since he was fine so far, he motioned to Steve to go higher on the next round, which Steve seemed happy to do.

Steve and Sam did some more loops around the cage, criss-crossing each other like they did in their act. They weren't coming near Bucky, not really, but Bucky knew that from an outside perspective it would seem like the bikes were only a hair's breadth away from him. That was all part of the act, to make it seem more daring, he knew that.

When Steve and Sam took a short break, chatting about their trajectory and patterns as they straddled the bikes, Bucky looked around the dome of the cage, making judgements about the space and using all his knowledge and experience having worked in rigging.

"We could easily fit the three bikes plus me," he mentioned, as Steve and Sam stopped talking and looked at him. "As long you guys stick to a set pattern, it should be fine."

The position Bucky was in now reminded him of a classic magic act: the sword box illusion, whereby the magician would put his beautiful assistant into a tight box, close the lid, then proceed to insert swords through various holes around the box. The illusion from the outside was that surely the assistant couldn't be safe in such a small space, but from the inside the assistant just had to know where to place themselves in order to avoid the swords. As long as the swords came in the correct pattern the assistant would avoid them and remain safe.

This cage was no different, as far as Bucky was concerned, and he felt confident about his position.

"Let's try it out," Sam said, then whistled to Sharon. "Hey, Carter! Get your wheels in here."

Quite a crowd had gathered by now, all the performers who were due on for the matinee show were stopping by to watch. They even cheered when Sharon rode her bike into the cage.

"Rhodey's going to man the hatch for us," Sharon announced, flipping up her visor. Bucky looked round to see Rhodey already there, closing the hatch for them.

"Am I timing you guys?" Rhodey called to them.

"If we do a standard clockwise formation?" Steve said to Sam and Sharon, who both nodded. "Yeah, once we start off," Steve called out to Rhodey, "time us thirty seconds then give us the hatch."

"Got it."

Thirty seconds didn't sound long, Bucky thought, but this was with three bikes so the cage would be crowded. All he had to do was remain still.

"Ready, Buck?" Steve asked. Bucky gave him the _okay_ sign. "Alright, guys, let's go!"

As the bikes all kicked into gear, Bucky inhaled calmly and looked for his focal point. The bikes buzzed around him, looping the loop and flying every which way. It was definitely noisier and more thrilling with three bikes, but from Bucky's perspective there was plenty of room around him and the bikes whizzing past just blurred into trails after a few seconds.

The hatch banged open, which meant their time was up. Sam drove out of the cage first as he was closest, followed by Steve and then Sharon. They were met with a smattering of applause from onlookers on the grass, including ringmaster Fury.

Bucky made his way out of the cage after them and down the ramp. He was worried he was about to be reprimanded for messing about when he should've been getting ready for the matinee.

"Nice work," Fury complimented the stunt team, as they all removed their helmets. "Very nice."

Bucky joined them on the grass. "Sorry, boss," Bucky told Fury. "I'll go get ready."

"What for?" Fury asked, frowning.

"The matinee?" Bucky replied.

"Forget the matinee," Fury ordered. "After lunch, keep practicing this act. When will it be ready for the audience?" He looked at each of them, and everyone else looked to Steve for answer.

"Well, it depends," Steve said. "We could probably have something simple ready for tonight, if Bucky is okay with it."

Now everyone looked to Bucky, including Fury with his one piercing eye.

"Um," Bucky said, a bit surprised. "I'm fine with simple."

"Alright," Fury barked, "that's settled. Make me proud." And with that he strode off.

"If you guys take a break now," Rhodey suggested, "we can pick up again after lunch."

"Sounds good to me," Sharon agreed.

They got their lunch from the cook's tent, then went to sit near the horse's pen for a bit of quiet.

Hay bales on the ground made for useful seating too, and Bucky had a nice lunch chilling out with Steve and his team.

"Hey, look," Sam said quietly, nudging Sharon next to him. "It's your man."

"Hm?" Sharon looked up, spotting Thor the strongman about to walk past. "Ooh," she said, and not so subtly flicked her hair over her shoulder. "Hi, Thor!" she called.

"Hello!" Thor boomed back in reply, waving a large hand in their direction as he walked by.

"Aren't you gonna go chat to him?" Sam asked, as Sharon shook her head slowly.

"I'm just appreciating the view," she replied, watching Thor walk away.

Sam chuckled. "Man, if she was in her catsuit the zip would be down to here right now." He gestured at his stomach, laughing as Sharon playfully elbowed him.

"Seen anyone you like, Sam?" she replied.

"That cute redhead with the knives." Sam grinned. "Saw her lookin' at me too."

"I thought she was with the blond guy?" Sharon said, looking at Bucky in question.

"Clint's married, but not to Nat," Bucky said. "They're just friends."

"Clint's married?" Steve said. "Wow."

"You should talk to Nat," Bucky said to Sam. "She's nice."

Sam saluted in reply. "I'll talk to her when I got my suit on. Abs out for maximum impact."

"Those suits always work," Steve said, then nudged Bucky playfully. "Wouldn't you say, Buck?"

"What?" Bucky blinked in surprise, put on the spot.

"You like our suits, right?" Steve asked. "Abs out."

"Everything out," Sharon quipped.

"Uh," Bucky stalled, as his face flushed hard. He missed his clown make-up very much right now. "The suits are... exceptionally well tailored and I'm sure that everyone including the audience appreciates the view."

"That was very diplomatic," Sharon said, while Steve and Sam chuckled in amusement.

Bucky smiled shyly. "Better than a clown suit anyway."

"No, don't knock the clown suit," Steve cut in. "I told you it looks cute."

"It does," Sharon agreed. "I had a doll just like you when I was a kid."

"Oh, good, exactly the look I was hoping for," Bucky said dryly, which had them all laughing again.

"I ain't gonna lie, man," Sam said, "clowns creep me out a lil' bit."

This wasn't the first time Bucky had heard this, so he just nodded in faux consideration. "I'll bear that in mind when I find out which trailer you're in, Sam, and stand outside your window tonight staring in at you."

Sam's eyes went comically wide for a brief second before he started laughing. Steve laughed so hard he fell off the hay bale.

"I'm not even joking," Bucky added, with his poker face on.

When Sam stopped laughing and had a horrified look on his face, Sharon fell off the hay bale too, holding her sides as she wheezed.

"I have a very special clown outfit I can wear," Bucky added, "just for you, Sam."

"Thanks," Sam said sarcastically, "I didn't need to sleep tonight. Or ever again."

Bucky grinned wickedly. "You're welcome."

He was only messing around, and after they'd finished lunch they had to get back to practicing the cage act.

And Bucky could tease Sam a bit more about wearing a scary clown suit.

The matinee show started, and for once Bucky wasn't in it.

He stayed with Steve and his team to get some form of an act together, and after careful planning and more hours rehearsal, they'd come up with something that would hopefully satisfy Fury for tonight, and that they could build on for the future.

But now they had to all go and get changed for the first evening performance, and the first bike stunt act of the night.

Sharon and Sam elected to stay behind and chat to some of the performers, but Bucky knew he needed more time than most to get himself dressed. He started off across the field, and Steve came with him.

"My trailer's over there," Steve said, pointing off to the far side. "Do you want to meet here and we can walk back to the big top together?"

"Sure," Bucky agreed. "Um, I'm going to need some time. Like, probably an hour."

"That's fine, Buck. I'm not in a rush." Steve smiled at him. "I'll be waiting here for you."

"Okay." Bucky smiled back, and watched Steve lope off across the grass.

Off to change into his abs-out spandex suit.

Bucky's smile grew as he hurried to his trailer and let himself in. He'd be looking forward to seeing Steve in his suit again. Thank you, spandex gods.

Bucky got undressed slowly and started his routine of preparing for a show. Fury hadn't told him he _wasn't_ clowning this evening, and it wasn't like Bucky had another show costume on standby so he would clown up anyway and just do whatever was needed. He felt happy about that.

But, he decided, he would put on one of the more special clown costumes tonight. Something a little more colorful, a little brighter. He was in the mood for colours and sparkles.

Once he had his leggings and undershirt on, Bucky sat at his dresser and started his make-up. He applied the white base, then drew on the exaggerated features.

Usually he didn't smile at himself in the mirror when he put on the make-up, but today he couldn't stop smiling. He drew an even bigger smile on his face, and big happy eyes. He had some glittery stickers in a pot, and he stuck a couple of red stars onto his cheek.

Make-up done, Bucky got out the clown suit with the different colored stars on. He carefully inserted his lightweight fake arm into the left sleeve, and secured it in place at the side before he put on the top. It was a shiny, silky fabric, and so were the matching pants he pulled on over his leggings.

Bucky packed a few of his accessories like hats, ruffles, and props into a bag for later, along with his flask of water in case he wanted to take another Valium before the show. At the door, he slipped on his mis-matched colored shoes (short regular ones, not long clown shoes today) and set off to find Steve.

He had a spring in his step as he walked across the grass, and spotted Steve in the distance waiting for him, wearing that wonderful spandex suit again.

Steve broke into a grin when he saw Bucky approach. "All set?" he asked.

"Yep." Bucky smiled in return. "It's showtime."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave me a comment if you liked the story!
> 
> If you enjoy circus themes, I wrote another stucky circus au a while ago. [It's here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14523531).
> 
> I am on [tumblr](http://jro616.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/jro616).


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